


Identification, ma’am?

by whyamIalwaysLoislane (Whyamialwaysloislane)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Always Female Stiles Stilinski, Attempted Seduction, Christmas Party, Deputy Derek Hale, Derek wears Jumpers, Derek's a softie, F/M, Female Stiles Stilinski, Glasses, Mentions of a three-way relationship, Parrish/A Male Dentist OC, Sassy Best Friend Parrish, Sheriff's daughter, Stiles Wears Glasses, stiles is a dork, tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1891656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whyamialwaysloislane/pseuds/whyamIalwaysLoislane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On Stiles Twenty First Birthday, she gets arrested. By brand new Deputy Hale.<br/>So a pissed of and sexually frustrated Stiles Stilinski attempts to seduce, grumpy Hale.<br/>It doesn't turn out how she expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Identification, ma’am?

“Identification, ma’am?" The deputy looked at Stiles. Stiles nodded, fishing through her jacket for her ID, propping her drink on the lid of the stereo.

"Stiles Stilinski?" The deputy asked, one big eyebrow rose.  Stiles grinned and nodded again before explaining. 

"My real first name would be less believable." Stiles nodded, picking her drink back up. The deputy took it off her. "Okay right look sour wolf, I'm Stiles fucking Stilinski and today _is_ my birthday.” Stiles whined. She was not in the mood to get arrested today.

Next thing that happened was that Stiles was rammed; face first, into a wall whilst being handcuffed.  
"Seriously?" Stiles muttered. "Wall to the face hand cuffing, you that cliché, dude? Or is the word kinky?" The deputy yanked on Stiles hand cuffs and led her to the car. Scott shook his head from the lawn, where he was sat on a bench with a drunken Allison. "Don't worry Scotty boy. I'll be out soon."  
Stiles smirked as the deputy pushed her into his cruiser.  
  
  
"Don't worry Scotty boy. I'll be out soon." What a cocky asshole. She was gorgeous, but as soon as she opened her mouth and had the nerve to show Derek an obviously phony ID, any attraction was replaced by anger. It might have been Derek's first day on the job but he was no moron. Sure he had yet to actually meet the sheriff, given it being his daughter’s birthday but that didn't mean this loudmouth could dick around with him. He was a frigging deputy. He'd show _Stiles Stilinski_ who was the boss.

They arrived at the station in one piece, the girl smirking as Derek led her inside.

"I've made an arrest." Derek grunted to the receptionist, looked to Derek then to Stiles and beamed.

"Awww honey happy birthday. You didn't get in too much trouble, did ya sugar? Did you help Deputy Hale with his first arrest?” The receptionist was a lovely woman, but Derek could have punched her.

"She _is_ my first arrest." Derek growled, before Stiles could speak. _Stiles_ flashed her apologetic look and shrugged. Her face dropped.

"Oh," the receptionist fumbled with a phone. "I'll ring Tom. Go through."  
  
 ~~~~

* * *

On the walk to the office, five people stopped to wish _Stiles_ a happy birthday. They got into the office and Deputy Parrish clapped stiles on the shoulder and passed celebratory words.  
Derek was beginning to feel he'd cocked up.

"Still don't believe it's my birthday, huh?" Stiles asked, shit eating grin in place. Derek wanted to slap her or fuck her. He didn't know which one more. Stiles threw her cuffed hands over the back of Derek’s chair, and propped her feet on Derek’s desk.

"Why don't you shut up?" Derek growled. "Or I will throw you in a cell."

"Would you like to clarify Deputy Hale, why you have my daughter in hand cuffs?" A gruff voice came from behind him. It was the Sheriff, he could tell. He wasn’t wearing the uniform but the way Deputy Parrish looked at Derek, confirmed it. Stiles was the sheriffs kid. "Sheriff Stilinski, by the way, great first impression."

Stiles Stilinski.

The sheriff’s daughter.

Whose birthday was today.

"Although if it's something he's said I don't blame you."  The sheriff grinned.

"Dad!” Stiles whined. "Actually Mr Deputy hale here put me in these for showing him a 'fake' ID. Because you know Stiles Stilinski is an alias." Stiles almost growled.  It was the scariest Derek had ever seen a woman.

"It's an easy mistake kid." The sheriff soothed his seething daughter. "I'm sure Deputy Hale won't make the mistake again." He shot Derek a death glare. "Now since you lagged her here on her birthday, I feel it's only polite you drive her home.” Stiles shrugged and slipped his hands out of the hand cuffs.

“How did you do that?” Derek asked, as Stiles handed him her unlocked cuffs.

“Oh I have a key.” Stiles winked at him and the Sheriff shook his head.

“Good luck, son.” It took Derek a moment to realise that the Sheriff was talking to him, and not Stiles. “Stiles, take it easy on Hale.”

“Yeah, Yeah.” Stiles stretched her arms, to the side and over her head before passing a goodbye to her father and turning to Derek. Derek nodded and followed the girl out. Stiles walked towards the door, passing a wave and smile to Lesley and waiting for Derek by his cruiser.

“Where too?” Derek asked, as he opened the door for her.

“Lydia Martin’s, she’s the one holding my party, oh and she’s twenty two.” Stiles smirked, feet on the dashboard.

“Feet off the Dashboard.” Derek growled and plunged the car into drive.

 

* * *

 

Stiles rolled the pencil through her teeth.

"So you got arrested by the hot deputy, who then drove you here, and didn't apologise?" Lydia asked, raising her nails to the light an inspecting them with a scrutiny that would have Mussolini quivering in fear.

"Pretty much and he was being all heterosexual all over my legs." Stiles added, tapping away on her laptop.

 

**_How to seduce 101:_ **

 

"See this is why you are here, Lyd." Stiles turned around and yanked off her glasses dramatically. "I want to make his life hell."

Lydia looked up, the smirk on her face enough to make Hitler cower.

"So, oh mighty one, where do we start?"

Two days of shopping, eating sushi, make up departments, lingerie sections, painful underwear and rom com strategies, lead to stiles standing outside the Station in a wedges and this obscene skin tight black dress which hid absolutely nothing. Her dad was going to kill her. Stiles rang Lydia.

"I can't do it Lyd. I feel like I'm naked, and my dad’s in there!"

"You're doing it stiles. Think of all the hot hate sex that could come out of this." Lydia said simply, Stiles could hear the eye rolling. She felt her confidence rise. She hung up, channelled Erica, straightened her back and plunged into the building.

"Wow Stiles, big date?" Lesley asked, as Stiles placed her coffee round on the ledge.

"Lydia demanded I dress like the girl I am, I swear, her finding out that I’m not a guy might have been the worst thing that’d ever happened.” She fixed her dress, pushing her boobs up and flexing her shoulders. “I got coffee.” Stiles nodded her head to the box.

“Go through sugar, your daddy ain’t here though.” Lesley smiled, Stiles could have kissed her. “He’s in a meeting with the Fed’s, won’t be back for a few hours.”

“Ahh, I’ll just have to harass Parish until he’s back then.” Stiles laughed, almost breaking from smiling.

“Oh and honey, be nice to Hale.” Lesley smiled over at Stiles at who smirked back at her, sliding the coffee box back into her hands.

“Lesley, I’m hurt. I’m always lovely.”  Stiles winked and walked towards the office. Parish’s desk was opposite Hale’s, both in front of her dad’s office. Stiles rolled her shoulders, flicked her hair out from behind her ear and strutted into the office. “Morning boys.” She cooed, smirk in place and hand on her hip. Hale looked up, eyes blown wide.

“Coffee?” Parish asked, and Stiles nodded, walking across to his desk and propping Parish’s black coffee on his desk. Purposely leaning across the desk, pushing her chest out and into Hale’s line of sight. Parish shook his head, taking his coffee off her and looking over to Hale, who shook his head and turned straight back to his paperwork. _Rude._

“So Parish, you bringing a date to the Christmas party?” Stiles asked, propping herself on the desk.

“Yeah.” Parish blushed and looked back down to his paper work.

“Ooh, Dish.” Stiles raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Fine.” Parrish’s hands shot up in defence and Stiles victory pumped the air, almost flashing the entire station whilst doing so. “Just stop looking at me like that.”

“So who is she?” Stiles asked, arms crossed.

“ _He_ is my boyfriend,” Parish rolled his eyes. “He’s a Dentist.”

“Is he over seven feet tall?” Stiles mock sung and laughed head back. “Called Doctor Long John?”

“He’s called Rob.” Parish laughed.

“When can I meet him? So I can approve.” Stiles smirked.

“At the Christmas Party.” Parish laughed.

“What about you Deputy Hale?” Stiles leant a little over the desk, towards Hale.  “Got a little something hidden away.” She licked her bottom lip and dragged her teeth across the width of her lip. Hale swallowed.

“No. Just me.” Hale exhaled, before he shot up and left the room.

“You’re evil.” Parish whispered. “You are a horrible person.” He shook his head at her.

“I know it keeps me awake at night.” Stiles watched Hale leave.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, the antlers are a good look!”  Stiles exclaimed, hanging tinsel from the antlers atop Parish’s head.

“Why do I let you do this?” Parish groaned.

“Coz I’m a wonderful person.” Stiles laughed, wrapping the rest of the tinsel around her neck, like a scarf. “And this place is dull. It needs more Christmas.” Stiles grinned. Hale looked across at them from his desk and cracked a smile. She vaulted off her chair and feigned shock. “Is that a smile Hale?!”

“Oh leave him alone Stiles.” Parish sighed, smiling fondly at the deranged girl.

“Dude. HALE SMILED.” Stiles flailed and patted him on the shoulder. “You have a nice smile, you should smile more.” Hale stared at her, jaw slacked.

“So Stiles, you got a date for the Christmas party?” Parish asked. 

“Well, Boyd is taking Erica, Jackson and Lydia, Scott and Allison of course. So I get Isaac this year.” She rolled her eyes. “Obviously, him, Allison and Scott think they are so subtle, we all know there is something there, so I will be alone.”

“Good looking girl like you, dateless?” Parish snorted, knowing damn well why.

“Sherriff’s daughter. Who is going to willingly date the Sherriff’s daughter?” Stiles barked, sitting on the desk cross legged.

“Oh Jesus.” Her dad’s voice came through from the lobby. “Stiles?”

“Yeah Dad.” She called back.

“Why is there so much tinsel, and who put the antlers on the security cameras?”

“That would be me, pop.”

“I don’t like you, kid.”

“I’m hurt.”

“As if you got Hale wearing the Antlers too.”

Stiles looked over to see Deputy Hale, complete with antlers and a solemn expression. She wasn’t going to comment on how she’d left the Antlers in front of him, not on him. She just smiled at herself and hopped off the desk, following her dad into his office.

 "YOU HAVE TO EAT THE CUCUMBER."

"Stiles. I have told you I do not trust green things."

"Oh My God."

 

* * *

 

 

“Scott! You have three dress shirts; it can’t be that hard to pick one!” Allison shouted upstairs, “Jesus Scott, Stiles will beat us!” As if on cue, Stiles walked in. “Whoa.” Stiles was clad in a ‘sexy Santa’ costume, complete with felt dress, white stockings, leather belt and Santa hat. Stiles smirked and hung a candy cane on her glasses.

“I’ll take the glasses off when we get here, but my eyes are sore.” Stiles shrugged.

“Keep them on, you look good with them.” Allison smiled, stealing the candy cane off Stiles glasses.

“Okay! I’m ready!” Scott flung himself into the living room.

“That one, seriously?” Allison queried, with one eyebrow.

Scott looked down at his blue button up and frowned.

“Pink one?” He asked pouting.

“Pink one.” Allison nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

“I like your Christmas jumper.” Derek recognised the boy from Stiles’ birthday party, the one with the un-even jaw and the floppy brown hair.

“Thank You. I lost a bet to my sister, so I’m doomed to these things all Christmas.” Derek explained, leaving out that the bet he’d lost was that he couldn’t go a day without talking (COMPLAINING) about Stiles. The small detail he knew about this boy was that he was close to Stiles.

“Damn siblings, I’m Scott.” _Scott._ Derek was very glad he didn’t mention the bet. He knew from Stiles constant babbling, that Scott was her best ‘bro’ and he was basically her brother from another mother. Then she laughed for ten minutes and ate half her weight in curly fries.

That shouldn’t be attractive.

“Derek.” He nodded back at Scott and sipped his Eggnog.

“So you’re Deputy McGrumpy Pants?”

“Another golden one is Sargent Sour wolf.” Stiles herself said from behind them. “More Eggnog?”

“Please.” Scott said and Derek nodded, unable to grasp for words. Sure, Stiles normally looked beautiful but right now she looked smoking. Stiles filled up their cups and Derek immediately knocked it back.

“Drinking to drown out the jumper?” Stiles quirked an eyebrow, one that could just be seen  over her thick rimmed glasses. Oh My God, she had to wear glasses.

“Uh-Huh.”

“Where’s Allison?” Scott asked.

“She’s on Isaac.” Stiles said with a shrug and Scott nodded and flitted off.  Derek quirked a eyebrow.

“They’re all together it’s a great big three-way.” Stiles explained, draining the last of the carton of eggnog and throwing it into the trash can.

“So, No date?” Derek asked.

“Nope.” She said, popping the P. “You?”

“I’m just that pathetic; I’m here with my sister.” He gestured across to a Laura, who was dancing against a tall blonde.

“Whatever floats your boat.” Stiles winked and elbowed him. “You’re not as bad as you make yourself out to be.” Derek opened his mouth to talk and Stiles cut him off. “I’m going to dance. And you’re coming with me.”

She put down her cup, and took Dereks, doing the same. Took him by both hands and pulled him to the dancefloor.

“Stiles- I can’t- I don’t- I can’t dance.” Derek stumbled, tripping into the space beside her.

“Well it’s really simple.” She took his arms and wrapped them around her waist. And wrapped hers around his neck. “Now one foot. Now next. Not hard.”

“The Sherriff is looking at me funny.”

“That’s cause tonight he’s not the Sherriff, he’s my dad.”

“Shit.” She laughed, head back and honey eyes glistening.

“You’re definitely not bad, Hale.”

“Thank You?”

 

* * *

 

 

“UGH.” Stiles groaned, as Parrish opened all the blinds in the Station. “You are Satan.”

“You love me!” Parrish replied in a sing song. Stiles hooked her fingers into the hood that was weighing down the back of her neck and shoved it over her head. Her Glasses were slipping down her nose, her jeans had more holes than denim and last night’s eyeliner still smudged around her eyes.

“Do you really want to poke mamma bear right now?” Stiles growled from her place on the plastic chairs.

“Here drink this.” Derek’s voice was somewhere around her, and a cup was being pushed into her hands.

“What is that?” Stiles grumbled, sitting up.

“It’s water, you moron.”

“You’re so nice, Deputy Hale.”

“Derek.”

“What?”

“Call me, Derek.”

“Okay Derek.”

“Drink.” Stiles took a big gulp of the water and looked up at Derek, who was smiling softly down at her. “As if.” Stiles snorted.

“What?”

“I did all that, the painful dresses and skirts and heels and _this_ is how I get your attention.” Stiles sniffled, and took another gulp.

“You didn’t need too.”

“What?”

“Stiles, you’re gorgeous.” Derek pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Red nose and alcohol breath and all.” He brushed a drop of water from her lip with his thumb.

“Shuddup.” She smirked and took another sip. “Hey.”

“What?”

“Would you date the Sherriff’s daughter?”

“I’ve already arrested her; I don’t think I could really do any worse.”

“Awesome.” Stiles grinned; Derek’s hand cupped the back of her neck and brought her lips to his.

“God, your breath really does stink.” Derek coughed. Stiles hit him with her sleeve.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and today decided I'd re-make it but instead of Stiles actually managing to be a seductress, she just fails and gets the guy hung over.  
> So I hope you liked this.
> 
> Stiles' Sexy Santa Outfit, but with white socks:  
> http://www.toynk.com/product/UDW-29215-C/Sexy-Secret-Santa-Costume-Set-Adult.html


End file.
